The ability to give and receive feedback effectively in today’s fast paced professional world is an absolute need and not a nice to have if individuals want to grow and if organizations want to succeed. I’ve watched too many relationships, careers, and entire teams be made or broken by feedback in the handful of years I’ve spent observing this trend. So let’s dig into this interesting subject that most of us get cold sweats at when we hear ourselves saying, ‘Can I provide you with a little feedback?’
Understanding the Psychology of Feedback
We are wired to protect ourselves from negative criticism because that is just how we are built. If you try to show someone their flaws, their inadequacies, or that they could improve in certain ways, their amygdala (the brain’s fear center) revs up on overdrive, and they respond as if their brain has sent out a ‘fight or flight’ call to action. That’s why even the most levelheaded among us might get our heart jumping during a performance review. To mastering the art of feedback, we first must understand this natural response.
The Impact of Emotional Intelligence
From what I’ve seen, those that have higher emotional intelligence (EQ) handle feedback much better than this. Essentially so they can take their emotional reactions out of the content of the feedback and that’s honestly pretty impressive. These individuals typically demonstrate three key characteristics: that they are self aware, empathetic, and can regulate their emotional response. It’s as if they have a internal feedback processor that strips out the emotional static and zeros in on the valuable information being shared.
The Golden Rules of Giving Feedback
The good news is this: Giving feedback isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Yet, there are some proven principles that can help smooth out the process and make it more effective. These are the things I’ve learned the hard way (and yes, I’ve definitely blown it more than once), but this guideline has never failed me.
Timing and Setting Matter
It’s just wild how many times good intentions with feedback go awry because the timing or context was wrong. It is a disaster to catch someone off–guard in the middle of a busy work day or have sensitive issues brought up in front of his or her colleagues. The best feedback conversations happen in private, scheduled, with no interruptions. And for God’s sake, get on it – don’t wait six months to give someone feedback, only to complain that the feedback wasn’t effective – feedback is effective if it offered in a timely manner!
The Sandwich Method: Friend or Foe?
The infamous feedback sandwich – praise, criticism, praise – has been a go-to method for years, but let’s be honest: To most people, you can see right through it. This approach is generally meant effectively (to soften the blow of criticism), but if done repeatedly, or in some instances on a singular basis, it can feel manipulative or insincere. What I’ve found, however, is that it’s better to be direct, but with a dose of empathy. Finding the right place between honesty and empathy is it all about.
Receiving Feedback Like a Pro
That’s where things get interesting. However, the absolute best part of this is that, while it’s hard to give feedback well, it’s even harder to take feedback well, but when you do it makes all the difference in the world. I have seen countless professionals become the brightest stars on the show or burn themselves out because of how they take and make feedback work for them.
Active Listening Techniques
The first step to getting better feedback is to actually listen — and by that I mean genuinely take in what they are saying, not waiting for your turn to say you’re right (something we’ve all probably done before). It is important in active listening to maintain eye contact, to ask clarifying questions and resist the urge to interrupt to immediately justify. What’s amazing is how much more valuable feedback becomes when you are present and engaged in conversation with them.
Managing Defensive Reactions
It’s no great secret that no one likes to hear about their faults. However, how you manage those first defensive reactions will make or break your professional growth. I’ve developed a little trick I call the “pause and process” method: So before you respond when you are getting nasty feedback, take a deep breath and count one, two, three. This little pause may be all that distinguishes a knee jerk defensive response from a thoughtful and productive approach.
Implementing Feedback Effectively
One thing is getting feedback; another ball game is actually doing something about it. The best professionals I’ve met learn how to reframe feedback into better feedback. This is a system and most importantly mindset.
Creating an Action Plan
Wait for feedback so you have a chance to develop a concrete plan of action. Then break down the feedback into very specifc, managable steps. For example, if you’ve been told your presentations lack engagement, your action plan might include: 1) Enrolling in a public speaking class 2) Practicing using a trusted colleague, and 3) Adding more interactive elements to your next presentation.
Following Up and Closing the Loop
A less talked about part of the feedback process is the follow up part. Once you have that, circle back with the person that gave you that feedback and share with them where you’re at and get their input. Not only does this show you’re committed to getting better, but it will strengthen your professional relationships as well. It’s also extremely gratifying to show how you’ve changed based on their input! Plus!
Building a Feedback-Friendly Culture
But the holy grail of organizational development is to create an environment in which feedback flows naturally and constructively. It’s not easy to accomplish, but when you do, it turns your workplace into a continuous improvement and growth powerhouse.
Normalizing Regular Feedback
The easiest way to remove the scariness of receiving feedback is to treat it as something business as usual. This doesn’t mean constantly formal reviews (i.e. let’s get together, now!) but rather opportunities for casual check ins and open discussions. If you start treating feedback as normal, like checking your email, then it won’t intimidate you anymore.
Training and Development
All team members need to invest in feedback training. This entails giving and receiving feedback workshops, role play exercises and regular refresher sessions. After all, remember that skills work with feedback are like muscles, you will have to exercise them on a regular basis to stay strong and effective.
It’s a long journey to mastery around feedback, and there’s no winning. Feedback is something many people fear but learning to practice these fundamental principles will allow you to think of feedback as a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. Nobody is perfect at this stuff, we’re all learning and growing together. The greatest thing is to always be open to it, to be continuing to practice, and never just giving up on the possibility of how can I both give and receive feedback better?
LekFex 