Gaslighting is a manipulation tool that many people see in their personal relationships but shows up often in professional settings. Most of the time, this can leave people doubting their judgment, competence and, on occasion, their perception of reality. It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of gaslighting at work, whether it’s from a boss, coworker, or subordinate as it will help you maintain a healthy work environment and keep your mental well being.
Although much of the coverage on gaslighting focuses on romantic relationships, this article explores how it can appear in a much more subtle (or not so subtle) way in the workplace, and what employees and (especially) leaders can do about it.
What is Gaslighting at Work?
Gaslighting at work is when a person (your boss, a colleague or a subordinate) psychologically manipulates you to the point you are doubting your own reality, memory or perceptions. It is a technique that lives off of power inequalities, and can be very emotionally and mentally distressing. Gaslighting can cause loss of confidence, destroy trust and pull down workplace culture in however professional context it happens.
While the term “gaslighting” originally stems from the 1938 play Gas Light, its implications in modern workplaces are wide-ranging. Next, let’s pull apart how gaslighting looks in a professional context.
10 Signs of Gaslighting at Work
Identifying the signs is the first step to recognize gaslighting at work. Here are ten red flags:
- Denying Your Experience: Gaslighters will deny that things happened. But if you clearly remember the conversation you could have a boss who says, “I never said that.”
- Twisting Facts: They tell those facts back to you and somehow warp and distort them to fit their story, and the next minute you start questioning your own memory or perception.
- Minimizing Your Feelings: When you have a problem, they will call you ‘too sensitive,’ say you’re ‘overreacting’ to ‘your feelings.’
- Discrediting Your Memory: They plant a seed of doubt in you being reliable or forgetful with your memories.
- Sabotaging Your Work: Or share crucial info and deadlines and ‘forget’ to tell you, and you’ll hand in mistakes.
- Shifting Blame: Gaslighters will deflect blame onto other people — even when they are clearly in the wrong, making you feel guilty instead.
- Excluding or Isolating You: Gaslighters may keep you out of key meetings or prevent you from making work decisions.
- Changing Narratives: Their ‘standards’ change often, and their ‘rules’ change often; you cannot meet them.
- Undermining Confidence: Gaslighters will also question your expertise, skills, decisions, etc. … basically implying you’re not able to do anything correctly.
- Creating Dependence: They leave you doubting, with a loop that takes you always looking for their validation or approval.
Examples of Gaslighting in the Workplace
Gaslighting can look very different for different people and situations. Below are some examples of what it looks like in real life applications.
1. The Gaslighting Boss
A gaslighting boss will regularly refuse that you had certain tasks, only to later blame you for not completing them. They could assign a project verbally, tell you they didn’t do it, later reprimand you for not taking action. This tactic is just used to keep our employees’ insecure, dependent and desperate for your reply, so that they can do whatever you deem worthy.
2. The Gaslighting Coworker
Gaslighting comes from coworkers who “forget” CC you on crucial emails or who cut you out of group discussions. But they can say they told you about deadlines or meetings that never took place, leaving you unprepared and looking as if you don’t know what you are doing.
3. Gaslighting by Subordinates
Rarely, a manager may gaslight a subordinate, by omitting intentionally information or situations in which the subordinate made the wrong calls and why, as well as giving the manager the subsequent blame. This kind of upward gaslighting is frequently used to diminish authority and produce chaos in the team.
The Impact of Gaslighting on Employees
Gaslighting can erode self-confidence, leading to:
- Increased Stress: Entirely too much self doubt leads to higher levels of anxiety and stress which in turn decreases productivity and mental health.
- Reduced Confidence: Gaslighting makes you question your ability, and this can lead to a poor self esteem, and also hurt chances of career progression.
- Isolation: When working for gaslighters, it’s common for them to alienate their targets, making employees feel like they’re being left out, and unsupported.
- Job Dissatisfaction: Working in a gaslighting environment is extremely toxic at work, resulting in less job satisfaction and greater turnover.
The first step is to understand the signs and effected of gaslighting. Secondly you must learn how to react effectively.
How to Respond to Gaslighting at Work
When faced with gaslighting in the workplace, there are several strategies to consider:
1. Document Everything
Make note of everything about interacting with the gaslighter. When accusations arise, written paper trail will help to clarify things and you’ve got protection from possible false accusations.
2. Set Boundaries
It is vital to set boundary with a gaslighter. Polite but strong, demand stronger written instructions and deadlines and project expectations.
3. Trust Your Perceptions
When it’s happening, gaslighting can make you doubt yourself. Get back to yourself and stop being controlled by people all the time. Reach out to trusted colleagues or mentors to help affirm what you have experienced.
4. Seek Support
Once gaslighting continues, talk to HR or an employee assistance program. Speaking to someone objective can clarify if what you’re experiencing is gaslighting or not, and they can help you explore your options.
5. Address It Directly
If you do feel safe doing so, speak to the gaslighter in a calm, professional manner. Explain how that behaviour makes you feel—responsibly, affectedly — telling him that you expect a respectful work relationship.
How to Prove Gaslighting at Work
Proving gaslighting can be challenging because of its subtle nature, but with a clear strategy, you can strengthen your case:
- Collect Evidence: Save every email, document every interaction, take notes during meetings. With these records, you will be able to understand a pattern of manipulation.
- Share with HR: If the gaslighting is really bad, you have to take it to HR with documented proof. Having someone representing a third party can give you more credibility if you have a third party looking at it.
- Establish Allies: In some cases, often, a gaslighter may gaslight a lot of people. However, building out a support system to corroborate and verify your experiences will help.
How to Handle a Gaslighting Boss
It takes delicate handling to deal with a gaslighting boss. Here are some tailored strategies:
- Request Clear Communication: Request written confirmation for tasks, and for feedback politely. For example, if they want vague instructions, email and ask for clarification.
- Stay Confident in Your Abilities: Remember your abilities and efforts. A gaslighting boss shouldn’t make you question your self worth.
- Escalate if Necessary: If things haven’t settled down and this is interfering with your work, talk to a higher power or HR.
- Know When to Move On: Sometimes all attempts fail, and the workplace is still toxic. In that case, you have to go if you want a better life. Long term career success means you have to take your mental well being seriously.
How to Respond to Gaslighting by a Coworker
Dealing with a gaslighting coworker involves setting boundaries and maintaining professional composure:
- Call Out Behavior Tactfully: If they’re twisting facts or leaving you out, calmly point out the inconsistencies, not accusatory.
- Refuse to Engage in Manipulation: Do not get pulled into their games. Redirection needs to be done politely and keeping clear boundaries.
- Seek Group Support: If the coworker’s behavior is a problem for more than one other team member, then talking to HR as a group can help highlight how it affects team dynamics.
How Leaders Can Prevent Gaslighting in the Workplace
Healthy work environment is very important to foster for the leaders of an organization. Here’s how leaders can address and prevent gaslighting:
- Promote Transparency: Promote open and transparent communication keeping the team together. This tends to reduce misunderstandings and set a baseline of trust.
- Listen to Employees: Build a culture where it’s ok to point out concerns. Make sure HR can handle problems of manipulation or harassment.
- Encourage Accountability: Clear performance expectations should be established across management and their reports clear lines of accountability are provided.
- Provide Training: Hold regular training sessions on professional ethics, communication and proper work place interactions and impel employees that gaslighting is wrong and its effects.
Final Thoughts: Gaslighting in the Workplace – How to Navigate it?
Dealing with gaslighting on the job is certainly a challenge; when you see the evidence and know how to react, however, you can do something about it. Gaslighting is a toxic behavior many employees have to endure from a boss, coworker, or subordinate. Being prepared with how to handle and document gaslighting can protect your career, your well being and your professional reputation.
Recognizing and taking proactive measures to counteract the gaslighting behaviors organizations must do to have a healthy work culture. It also reflects a commitment to respecting, being transparent and accountable, which creates a safe and supportive work environment for all. Remember you’re worth working in an environment where your output gets recognized and your contribution is valued.
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